Is It A Sin To Have An Eating Disorder?
In November of 2017, Amie wrote the below blog post entitled, “Is it a Sin to Have an Eating Disorder?” Since then, this question has become the top searched question on the Bring Your Brokenness website. We are reposting the original content below but also adding clinical and pastoral commentary as a supplement to her thoughts.
Last week, my psychologist gave me an assignment to blog about the concept of changing my thoughts. Interestingly enough, my therapist and I also talked about the same topic during one of our sessions.
To be honest, I've struggled with writing about this. I've sat down several times to work on it this week, but I just couldn't get it started. Today I'm determined to work through this assignment.
I can see from a rational place that changing your thought patterns is so vital to recovery, but those thought patterns are often a tangled mess. I want to just know the truth and think differently. I’m frustrated to say that more often than not, I allow my thoughts to follow the bunny trail that puts me on the path to wrong choices or being consumed with self-defeating thoughts.
It seems so simple - I have the knowledge and want to just do it. Yet it's so complex because knowledge isn’t necessarily understanding. I know every human struggles with challenging thoughts. But in the world of recovery, and particularly in the struggle with an eating disorder, I believe the complexities abound.
So it's been hard to write about because changing your thoughts is just that - hard. In fact, it's seemed impossible and was impossible in many stages of my recovery.
In my devotion this morning, I believe God was making evident to me that at this place in my recovery, I have to face the fact that my recovery all boils down to a choice. That CHOICE is what I choose to do with the very first thought that enters my mind.
As an example, here's a look inside the pattern of my thoughts before I eat.
You shouldn't eat that. You don't deserve to eat that. You've been far too indulgent. You should be ashamed of yourself. You've lost all self-control. Look what you've done to yourself. You are so selfish.What is wrong with you?
And on and on the thoughts go, unchecked, until they lead to action - I miss some exchanges or engage in some other eating disorder behavior(s).
Is this God's plan for me? Are these thoughts from Him? They feel very, very true. But the only way to know if anything is true is to compare it with Scripture. At the very least, I know that God’s plan is for me to prosper, and these aren't prospering thoughts.
Please hear me when I say that I don't believe having an eating disorder is a sin. You can't try to have an eating disorder or just decide one day you're going to have one. It's a mental illness. You don't choose it.
Did I make sinful choices along the way? Yes. Did every thought align with the truth of God's Word in every step? Goodness no. It’s been said that genes load the gun and jeans (cultures, experiences, etc.) pull the trigger.
We don’t control our genetic composition. Nor can we control the family or society or experiences in which we are raised. We can control the choices we make in spite of those experiences, but that doesn't mean we are making choices to purposefully lead to a mental illness. That trigger pulls ever so slowly and subtly.
Your eating disorder is not a sin. You didn’t choose it.
I was in college when my “trigger was pulled.” It started with a gym teacher that included our BMI as part of our grade. I was not OK with being in the B range. I knew I was capable of getting an A. I wanted to do my best. And if my weight put me within the B range, I would probably be more healthy in the A range anyway. Why would I not want the healthier range? So I set my goal, and I accomplished it. Unfortunately, it didn't stop there.
Somewhere in there my brain switched from striving for a healthy A range and doing things with excellence to being controlled by the beast of an eating disorder. My life experiences set me up for that. It's the way my mind chose to work it out, without me having any knowledge of it. I did not choose to develop an eating disorder.
Often those struggling with eating disorders are trying to function as normal with a malnourished brain. But a malnourished mind is unstable. It's confused. It's foggy. It's forgetful. It's exhausted. It does not have the capacity to even identify eating disordered thoughts, much less challenge them. However, the person with the malnourished mind can’t see this.
So this morning, I’m wrestling with wondering where I went wrong? Or did I go wrong? Where does the sin begin?
I believe that - for me - sin began once the malnutrition was corrected and I learned to identify eating disordered thoughts and ways to challenge them and gained the coping skills necessary for recovery, yet chose not to challenge the thoughts and use the skills.
Eating disordered behaviors begin with thoughts. Thoughts lead to feelings. And all too often, our feelings determine our actions. Feelings are not a good platform from which to make decisions. Sadly, it's the one I've chosen over and over and over again.
I believe my temptations lie within the thoughts themselves. We may not choose our first thought, but we can change the thoughts that follow. We do this by taking every thought captive. When we choose to take captive/challenge our first thought, we stop it there without sin. It's not a sin to have temptation (the first thought), but it is a sin when we don't take it captive and allow it to lead us to sin.
Jesus was tempted. In fact, the temptations which He records in Scripture are mainly related to physical needs, much like mine are. He was tempted on every level, which means He understands where we are and how we feel. He was even tempted when He was extremely weak. But He did not sin. He gets the struggle and fully comprehends the difficulty.
Jesus had a choice to make at each point of temptation, and we have a choice in the temptation, too. He is able to help us get through any temptation without sinning. He promises that He will give us a way out, and His words are always true.
Jesus also understood that His temptation was not really about His physical need. Rather, He knew that Satan's plan was to not only destroy Him but also the plans God had for Him that affected all mankind.
The thoughts/temptations I have before I eat are not really about the physical, either. The temptation is entertaining the thoughts that lead to engaging in behaviors. But it's much bigger than just that. Satan wants to destroy me, and he wants to destroy my family. Engaging in behaviors keeps me stuck in the eating disorder which will ultimately take my life - destroy me. It doesn't even stop there. In destroying me, Satan also destroys the plans God has for me which impact the world around me.
When Jesus was tempted, He didn't fall apart. He didn't follow His trail of thoughts about how good that bread would taste, or rationalize why it wouldn't be such a big deal for Him to do it. Rather, He stood strong and challenged the temptation with the Word. The Word of God is absolute truth. What better way is there to challenge something than with absolute truth?
Perhaps I need to remember when Satan is tempting me in these moments that the choice I make could lead to my destruction. The choice could also destroy everything God plans for me to do in this world, which impacts others. So it’s not just about me - and that hits hard.
What does this choice look like? Well, I’m still figuring that out. But here’s a shot at it.
Let's take my first thought captive. “You shouldn't eat that.”
What does the Bible have to say about that? What is the absolute truth?
It is God's plan for me to eat. Acts 27:34
God's desire and plan is for my body to be healthy and nourished, and any shame or guilt for that is not of the Lord. Proverbs 3:7-8
Focus on what God says, not the voice in my head. Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust my team that God has placed around me and the process of recovery which He has made known to them. Proverbs 15:22 and Jeremiah 29:11
Here's one of the hardest parts for me. While I understand these are truths taken right out of the Word of God, and I fully believe that they are absolute truth, my feelings usually don't line up. What I have to remember is that feelings change, and feelings aren't facts. I still have to challenge the thought with truth and believe it because God said it regardless of how I feel. My feelings don't change the truth. My feelings will eventually catch up with the truth.
Suzie Eller said, "Lasting transformation comes from choosing truth." (Proverbs 31 Ministries) Lasting transformation for me right now is full recovery from the eating disorder. So full recovery comes from choosing truth. And it begins with taking the first thought captive every single time.
It can no longer be acceptable to do this as often as I feel I can. At this stage of my recovery, I have every tool I need to make the right choice. I have others who love me and support me who can encourage me in making the right choice if I'd just ask for help. And the longer I let my thoughts continue on the wrong path, the more likely it is that I'll engage in an eating disordered behavior.
Satan's plan is to tempt me and ultimately destroy me and God's will for my life. But that is not God's plan. I have to choose truth if I want to recover.
I can't help but think of the song lyrics, "You were made for so much more than all of this. You're beautiful. You are treasured. You are sacred. You are His." I am made for so much more than being stuck in the grips of an eating disorder. My full recovery depends on me choosing to take every thought captive. God promises there's a way out. I will choose this because it's God's plan for me to live freely and abundantly. I am treasured. I am sacred. I am His. And so are you.
Finally, brothers and sisters, fill your minds with beauty and truth. Meditate on whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is good, whatever is virtuous and praiseworthy. Philippians 4:8 (the VOICE).
A Clinical & Pastoral Perspective by
Dr. Shane Johns
Before tackling the question of whether having an eating disorder is a sin, we must acknowledge its underlying premise. This is not a mere theological inquiry; it emerges from the core of the eating disorder itself, fueled by guilt, shame, self-loathing, undeservedness, and self-harm. For those struggling with an eating disorder, let's pause and reflect on the true motivations behind seeking an answer. Is it an attempt to validate the belief that one is inherently bad and unworthy of nourishment? Is it a quest for confirmation that sin warrants punishment, and depriving the body of nourishment is a fitting means? Or perhaps it's driven by the desire to alleviate guilt and shame propagated by the misconception that eating disorders are self-inflicted and therefore sin? Are you desperate to find relief from the crushing fear that God is disappointed in you or perhaps punishing you?
Eating disorders stand among the most challenging struggles one can endure. They intricately weave themselves into nearly every aspect of a person's life, leaving almost no thought, behavior, or moment untouched by the disorder.
Amidst the pain inflicted by eating disorders, guilt and shame often emerge as the most crushing elements. Satan employs them as potent tools to isolate followers of Jesus from His grace and mercy. So, it’s no surprise that the question of whether or not eating disorders are sinful is among the most common questions searched on the Bring Your Brokenness blog.
Addressing or answering this question from the wrong premise is dangerous; it only serves to weaponize guilt and shame, further entrenching the eating disorder. Guilt is remorse for a wrong or bad deed, while shame is the belief that one is inherently bad, deserving of contempt and punishment. If this is the foundation for questioning whether having an eating disorder is a sin, it's unlikely to provide the relief or proof sought.
Let's approach this question from a theological standpoint, considering what the Bible says about sin. The Bible tells us that sin has existed since the beginning (Genesis 3:6), we are all sinners (Romans 3:23), sin creates separation from God (Isaiah 59:2), sin comes with a cost (Romans 6:23), and sin must be punished (Romans 6:23). However, a crucial distinction must be made between temptation and sin.
The Bible is clear that temptation is not a sin. Jesus, in the Gospel of Matthew, resists Satan's temptations (Matthew 4:1-11), and the writer of Hebrews emphasizes that Jesus was tempted in every way yet without sin (Hebrews 4:14-16). Therefore, being tempted by or struggling with the urges of eating disorder behaviors or thoughts is not a sin. However, the hard truth emerges that not choosing recovery and giving in to these temptations is indeed a sin (James 4:17).
Please do not be troubled by this because it applies to all of us when we give in to the temptation of not choosing God’s plan for our lives. This is why simply having an eating disorder does not equate to choosing one. Eating disorders develop out of benign choices not to eat when you don’t feel like eating. However, understanding the spiritual and physical results of not choosing recovery is foundational to overcoming your eating disorder.
One might argue, "But I chose my eating disorder, therefore it is my sin." It's unfair to judge the younger version of oneself with the knowledge and experience possessed by the present self. I have yet to meet a person who chose an eating disorder with the full understanding of all that an eating disorder entails. Instead, the common thread for all strugglers is a triggering event that resulted in not feeling hungry and the subsequent choice not to eat. Then, before long, this benign restriction of food resulted in a body change that was so unexpectedly potent that continued abstaining from eating became the very first thing to ever achieve a sense of control in a chaotic life. This sense of control was gripping and felt irresistible. This went on until one day the concern of a loved one became a blindsiding event.
By that time the claws of the eating disorder are deeply set, one can be firmly in its grip and blinded to the danger. No one who knowingly understands an eating disorder chooses this for themselves. Eating disorders are insidious in the truest sense of the word. They proceed gradually, in subtle ways, producing devastating effects.
Having or struggling with an eating disorder is not a sin; it is a mental illness. While this may be a hard truth for some, it's essential not to feel shame due to societal or misguided Christian views on mental health. Many eating disorders stem from trauma, and it's crucial to recognize that not everyone had trauma as a precursor to their disorder. The origin of an eating disorder does not change the truth that one did not choose to have it. Accepting that an eating disorder is a mental illness that slowly developed from disordered eating and thinking allows one to embrace the grace of Jesus, who clothes us in righteousness despite the rags of guilt and shame.
Moreover, it's important to note that other mental or physical illnesses are not sin. Having an illness, even if it may stem from the natural consequences of poor choices, is not sinful. All illnesses are the result of a fallen world and deteriorating creation, both of which are the result of sin entering the world in Genesis 3. The line between our sin and the effects of sin upon us can be incredibly blurred and at time indistinguishable to our frail minds. God fully knows this and still provides a way through Christ for the curse of sin upon us.
This leads us back to the Bible's answer for sin. The Bible is clear that none are deserving of forgiveness (Romans 3:9-18). Despite this, Jesus descended from his heavenly throne, taking human form to save his beloved creation (Ephesians 2:1-10). Jesus died on the cross over two thousand years ago to save humans from their sins. Placing faith in Jesus means that he fully bore the punishment for one's sins, including those sins yet to be committed. When Jesus met the full punishment for the sins of the world, he cried out “it is finished.” Jesus, the Son of God, announced his work complete. The very same mouth that spoke the universe into existence with his word alone, uttered the words that declared that your sin debt was paid in full. There is nothing left for you to do. You can’t punish yourself for that which Jesus declared a finished work.
The truth that our sin debt has been met in full leads to another truth: God does not punish His children. Those who have trusted in Christ are kept in Christ and accepted fully as sons and daughters of God (Romans 8:1; Colossians 3:3; 2 Corinthians 5:21; John 1:12; Galatians 3:26; Ephesians 2:13; Hebrews 8:12). The blood of Jesus cleanses from all sin, and God views believers as His children through the blood of His Son (Colossians 1:20; Ephesians 1:7; Hebrews 9:14,22; 1 John 1:7). Thus, not only does God not punish His children, but He is also not disappointed in them.
To ask whether having an eating disorder is a sin is a moot question. The answer is a resounding no, but even if it were a sin, it changes nothing about how Jesus sees and loves you.