Little Recovery Battles: When A Sausage Biscuit Is The Next Best Thing

I had a meeting this morning. I overslept, because I stayed up too late working on a project last night. So I hurried to get ready and run out the door.While I was getting dressed, I calculated that I'd have enough time to grab breakfast on the way. It would be faster than fixing it here.Rushing to put my tote bag together, I realized my notebook was missing. I needed it for my meeting. I turned the house and car upside down. How do you misplace something like that?! And I'd just had it Sunday night. So frustrating!But now I was running late, and if I didn't leave that very minute, I would be late for my meeting. So I went without the notebook, because I like to be right on time.On the way there, I realized looking for my notebook had cost me my breakfast. I hate to admit it, but something about missing a meal still feels appropriate and empowering. No big deal, I rationalized. I'm at my goal weight. This won't hurt anything. And my brain went right back to planning the rest of my morning and afternoon....and the next day and the next. You know how it goes.I made it to my meeting. Three minutes late. Ugh.The meeting topics are always so good, and today was no exception. I was fully engrossed in the teaching and conversation.At several points, I noted that my head was pounding. I wished I had ibuprofen with me.Again, although I hate to admit it, pain still feels "good" to me. It feels deserved, appropriate....I really can't explain it. So when it would pound really hard, I would acknowledge it, but then allow it to intensify my determination to push through, if that makes any sense at all.My stomach was growling near the close of the meeting, and my head was pounding so hard it was difficult to push the pain aside. "This is good, Amie. You've not eaten, and now you're hungry with a horrible headache and the tingling from low blood sugar is beginning to set in. Good day. Lots to do. You are strong. Push harder."But as I walked back to my car, the Voice of Truth broke through.This is no longer the way I choose to live. What am I doing?? I rationalized skipping a meal for extra sleep and a preference to not be late. I'm enjoying pain and telling myself I deserve it. I'm allowing the pain and discomfort of hunger to distract me from other issues and allowing it to fuel that robotic drive in me to go into manic productive-mode. I'm revelling in my discomfort.This is not God's plan for me. I can choose to live according to His plan, or I can allow subtle little things like this morning to give me an excuse to dabble with restriction. A "dabble" is all the enemy needs to get a little foothold again.The Voice of Truth - I choose life. According to God's plan. And that means using food to fuel my body on a regular basis according to specific guidelines, according to the wisdom the team He's given me has shared with me, over and over and over again. They insist that missing a meal for me at this point in my recovery is still extremely dangerous and raises red flags everywhere.And when we truly choose God's plan, it is evidenced by our actions. It's never too late to make something right/do the next best thing.It's 11:00, the enemy argued on the side of the eating disorder. If you eat breakfast now, you won't be hungry for lunch. Just let it go this time and make sure you eat breakfast tomorrow. Why are you even worried about this. You've gotten so lazy and weak.While missing a meal might be OK for some people, it is not OK for me. Again, not if I'm trusting the team God's given me and not leaning on my own understanding.But back and forth, the argument continued in my head.In the end, I chose life according to God's plan, which leaves no room for the eating disorder. And even though the majority of my mind was screaming against the choice I was making, I held onto the truth that doing the right thing often doesn't feel right, but it's still the right thing and must be done regardless of the feelings.I acknowledged to God what I had done wrong this morning and drove through McDonald's to get a sausage biscuit. And even though it was 10:57, I ate all of it.As I swallowed, I acknowledged the pleasure that the body naturally experiences when we fuel our bodies the way God intended for us to do. And although tempted to shame myself for feeling it, I instead thanked God for His marvelous design and savored the taste and satiation each swallow intensified.It's now 12:00PM and time to go fix myself some lunch, even though I just finished eating breakfast. Even though I'm not hungry. My team says my body has to have it. And I'll trust the wisdom God's giving to them.I'm fully aware that this is a very small issue. But if the enemy wins all the smallest battles, his momentum just might allow him to win the war. Jesus has already overcome the enemy, and it doesn't have to end that way. I can have victory as well, in the little and big issues of life, but only if I choose God's plan.It's these little battles that determine where I stand with the bigger issue of recovery from an eating disorder. And I want Jesus to give me victory over the entire issue, not just the surface level, which means refusing to minimize the little battles along the way.I'm specifically writing this to my friends, many of whom I've never personally had the chance to meet, who tell me several times a week that they'll just get back on track tomorrow. Don't let the enemy trick you with what seems to sound admirable but in actuality is an excuse to let the eating disorder win today. It's never too late to do the right thing. Don't wait until tomorrow to make it right. Remember that delaying is an eating disordered behavior. Do the next best thing, right now. And if you need support, click here.Maybe you don't struggle with an eating disorder. Maybe your issue is something entirely different. But just maybe, there's something you can do today that is a step towards God's plan rather than putting off to tomorrow a correction you could make right now.Jesus has already defeated the enemy. And if Jesus lives in you, then the enemy does not have to have victory in your life. Lean into His strength and do the next best thing right now, no matter where you are in your "issue," no matter how the enemy is trying to deceive you.One last note: As I'm re-reading this, I'm wondering if it looks like I'm pointing to myself for this "recovery win." If that's the picture I've painted in your mind, please erase it. Because nothing could be further from the truth. I am so very weak that recovery wins would never happen if it were up to me. When I claim them, it is only by the grace of God and the power of His strength in me. He alone is worthy of the victory.  Do you follow my Facebook Page? Like it here for another source of recovery inspiration.